I had to learn to love that person who was always better than me. I never fully understood drama between girlfriends. It seemed like a waste of time and energy for me. If I saw another woman succeeding at a high level I would fully admit that I admired her and cheer her on and pump my fist and shout “go girl’. Unless, it was a skill I had been toiling over and she came from behind and passed me up.
Way back in the day when I was a fast pitch softball pitcher in high school I overheard my coach telling another girl that she could be a pitcher in the Olympics. I felt really hurt by that because I worked my quiet little tail off and tried to become the best pitcher I knew how to be and she never gave those words of encouragement to me.
Looking back I realize my coach was trying to motivate the other girl to work harder, because she didn’t. She just showed up and was very good naturally. At the time it was hard on me because I worked so hard and was so passionate but she just showed up at as good or better than me.
It felt like a story that would repeat itself through time.
Every new experience brought growth and my hard work paid off. I had finally earned my place at the top of the pyramid. Just like clockwork, someone would come along who was better than me. As I got into my mid 30’s to add insult to injury the new challengers were younger than me sometimes by 10 years. My self esteem would always take a hit and I will even admit I may have spent a few moments wallowing in my own self pity.
How can others shine so brightly in a way that appears “easy”. My inner critic really beat me down, telling me I am not good enough because it was easy for them but hard for me. The inner critic can be a real B* sometimes.
So I had to come to the epiphany that when these people who are better than me show up I need to be grateful and recognize it as not a time to shrink but my time to level up.
How I learned to love the people who are better than me
- It proves that it’s possible.
Seeing someone succeed at something I am pursuing proves to me that my dream is possible as well.
- Comfort breeds complacency
As someone who likes consistency and takes a while to get comfortable with people and things, comfort is well, comfortable. Comfort also breeds complacency. The more comfortable you get the less you feel the need to push yourself forward.
- Visual for do’s and don’ts.
When someone else is a step ahead of you, you can learn a lot from what they are doing well and you can emulate that in your own way. You can also do a personal audit and decide what you don’t like or what is not working well for them so that you can have a clearer path to success.
- Comparison is the thief of joy
They say comparison is the thief of joy. I find that to be so true. It is so easy to assume that their success was without struggle. The reality is that we don’t know what struggles others might be facing or will face in the future. We each have our own unique path. Your story is yours alone, your value to the world doesn’t increase or decrease based on other peoples’ strengths.
- I may not be the only, but I am the only ME doing it.
When you see someone doing what you want to do it can feel like, well they are doing it so I can’t. Or they will do it better than me and I can’t compete with them. How many accountants are there out there? How many journalists? So many. Guess what we need all of them. You don’t need to be better than others, just different. Be YOU! Only you can be you. You have something unique that nobody else can bring in the same way as you do. There is room for everyone to be successful.
Embracing and learning to love the person who is better than you is a great tactic in moving yourself forward. Instead of being envious, join forces. They say you become like the people you spend time with. Make friends with those you consider better than yourself. Get inspired to reach higher. You would be surprised what you can learn and how you can grow.
